Buhtt sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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