I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
