plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found your dick twin last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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