If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
