Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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