I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
