I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
