i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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