i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
