The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
