we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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