remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
