He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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