i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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