maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
