Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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