I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
