We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
