So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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