Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
