Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
