Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
