bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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