Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
