have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
