margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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