Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
