I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
