i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
