i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
