Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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