I can't breathe out the right side of my face
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
