how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish there were birth control emojis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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