Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
