just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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