The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize