So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize