first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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