The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
