dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
