It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
