Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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