I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
false alarm. still invincible.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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