i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
