Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
