I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
