You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize