so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
