never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
