dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
