Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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