Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
