This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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