You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
