I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
