just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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