it's like iHOP with fire
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize