It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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