It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
