SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize