How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
