she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it glows. i had to have it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
