if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
