He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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