So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
